How is your Identity supporting your authentic success?
It’s been almost two months since I posted something on my IG account although I made a few apparitions on stories.
As I mentioned before, in Winter the Yin energy reaches its peak inviting us to ground ourselves and come inward.
Associated with cold, dark, slow, inward energy, the Yin calls for introspection so it’s not surprising to note that many coaches, therapists, healers and others have become a little more quiet on social media.
As we’re slowly moving towards Spring, a time of renewal and rejuvenation will come with it making us want to strip out of our old skin.
While I reflect on the way I want to make an impact through what I share, I know that I want to bring more face to face interactions to my work and really continue supporting my clients in harnessing their personal power.
I’ve always defined myself as an introvert so working from home in my own little bubble has always felt like a blessing ( and it still does !) but I miss having more in-person interactions. Human beings are by essence social creatures and connection with others only strengthen our capacity to heal and empower ourselves.
Bringing more face to face interactions is a way to harness my personal power even more and expand on the belief of « being an introvert » or should I say "being a wild creature / a hermit ». Loving to spend time alone to connect to myself and recharge, doesn’t have to make me one !
We want to feel that we belong and for a very long time, as a highly sensitive and neuro-divergent person I so desperately wanted to feel understood too.
When we are under the impression that we don’t fit in or that something about us is a little different (which is in most cases, a result of trauma), we tend to isolate ourselves by fear of being judged or « found out ». That defense mechanism doesn’t prevent us from still craving deep connection or needing to feel seen, understood and heard... so we often unconsciously seek to obtain a validation for who we are through our relationships.
Do you see how that may create really high expectations in relationships?
Eg. If you love me, you must understand me (even when I don’t express my needs), make me feel seen or heard.
May the desperate need to feel understood reflect a hidden need for approval? May the need to isolate a way to dissimulate a fear of being judged? How can you take your power back?
We place power externally instead of internally. In other words, what people make us feel or what we experience will define how we think or feel about ourselves. That ultimately make us feel very vulnerable to the external world as it constantly shakes our inner foundations.
Our relationships mirror the identity we have created for ourselves and by nature we want to feel consistent in the way we define ourselves.
That’s part of the reason why I keep saying that I don’t like labels and don’t really want to define myself as a coach who help this or that type of people (which is not necessarily helping my marketing strategy haha - uh, do you see the limiting belief I’ve just expressed right here about my marketing ?! ).
Labels aren’t always bad and can tremendously help us build up our self esteem but they may also become quite limiting.
Let me give an example. I’ve just typed « Highly sensitive person traits » in a Google search and the traits that came up were the following :
« You're very emotional. ...
You're very compassionate and generous. ...
You're sensitive to criticism. ...
You feel different from everyone else and sometimes alone. ...
You're sensitive to external stimuli. ...
You overthink and worry. ...
You're intuitive. ...
You often feel tired and overwhelmed. »
Does every highly sensitive person feel very emotional, overwhelmed, different or tired? Absolutely not !
When trying to understand your functioning and behaviours, finding the term « highly sensitive » might come as a blessing at first. You might think « oh my god ! I’m not crazy ! There are other people who feel/think/do that ! ».
And suddenly all of the points listed above that you may have been experiencing become « legitimate » so you develop more acceptance towards yourself. You might connect with like-minded people strengthening your sense of belonging and by extension your self esteem.
You may however start to believe that being highly sensitive means that you’ll always feel very emotional, different and overwhelmed. That’s when the label starts to become a prison.
Your identity is so much more than being highly sensitive ! Everyone is unique.
Your identity gathers what you think, feel, do and trust me, not every highly sensitive people think, feel or do the same things. How boring would that be?! Can you imagine?
Changing our life or creating lasting changes require to change our identity (or embracing our authentic self fully?) which will also imply changing the beliefs we hold about ourselves.
When a client tells me « I think I might benefit from some coaching because I have ADHD or I am highly sensitive ».
My answer is « Oh you are highly sensitive ! Brilliant ! How is that empowering you? »
Turn your wounds and quirks into wisdom and gifts ! Your beliefs define how you experience the world, what you attract, how people behave towards you…
What’s the story you tell about yourself? How much would you like to change that story? How would you love to identify as?
I’m not talking about changing the core of who you are, it’s quite the opposite actually.
I’m talking about letting go of those things you identify as but prevent you from experiencing more peace, fulfillment, accomplishment…
If I identify as a hermit but authentically crave deep connections, that will for sure create an inner conflict and influence the way I behave and the opportunities I meet.
That inner conflict is precisely what’s holding me back from achieving what I authentically desire. So what’s underneath it? What feels safer about calling myself « a hermit »? What fear does it trigger when I think about letting go of that label?
Both my conscious and subconscious minds have to work together towards the same goal but I’ll share more on that in another article.
First, you may try and identify what you authentically desire. What do you truly want to change right now?
Then, ask yourself what do you identify as right now? How would you describe yourself?
Can you identify any conflict between your goal and the current perception of yourself? Can you pinpoint any labels that are hindering your success?
If so, it may be time to take your power back and rewrite your story !